Aboot Ian

Aiight, so here's the deal my cartoon loving peeps...I may be able to cartoon like a mofo, but when it comes to writing ANYTHING about myself, I'm about as useless as teets on a bull. So rather than bore you with my prose, I thought it prudent to let some other people give their accounts of my past.....

First up.... my history according to my good friend Matt Abraham.

Taking up 3 spots in Time Magazine's 2004 list, "The 10 most interesting people," Ian McCluskey has a mystique and attraction all his own. His life has been a roller coaster of laughter and tears and phlegm, and his influence is felt the world over.

Born in the deepest jungles on Moscow, Ian quickly established himself as a maverick. At age 3, he invented calculus. His 4th year was punctuated by inoperable wrist cancer; he died, and on the third day rose again. By grade 2, he had balanced the country's budget and on a trip to the US, brought peace to the Bloods and the Crips.. He was made honorary mayor of Toronto by grade 10, and during his reign, negotiated a settlement with the transit union, thereby avoiding a walkout. Grades 11 and 12 were unremarkable.

After a brief stint in the Marine Corps, Ian went on to start his own movie production company that specialized in bear documentaries and Buddhist propaganda. Tragedy befell Ian at 22 when he simultaneously discovered and lost the cure for the common cold. This threw him into a fugue, and he spent 8 years in a monastery recording Gregorian chant CDs. Never one to shy away from controversy, Ian has written 6 autobiographies (all subsequently proven to be false), streaked during the Oscars, and punched the Queen of England. Twice.

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